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Have you ever dwelled on the infamous question of “what if?” Have you ever just sat there wondering what your life would be like if you did things differently? Well, when you have the past like mine, this thought comes up more often than I would like to admit. I often find myself saying, “If I knew then what I know now my life would be very different”. Yes, this is absolutely true, however, my past, although it does not define who I am, it has helped mold me into the person I’ve become. I am a strong believer in “everything happens for a reason”. That every event in your life has occurred for you to either learn a lesson or grow stronger from. Still, thinking of the past can hurt, especially if it is sometimes filled with regret.
I’ll be honest, when thinking of my past I do feel regret. Regret for losing people I cared about, messing up jobs, spending all my hard earned money, and basically wasting years and years of my earlier 20s. There are days that I sit with my own thoughts and repeatedly ask myself “what if?” What if we didn’t break up? What if I didn’t lose that job? What if I didn’t move back to New York? Where would I be today? What kind of person would I be? Would I be happier? Unfortunately, I will never be able to answer these questions because the truth is I cannot go back and change any of my past events.
If you have ever felt this way, know that you are not alone. Also, know that you do not have to live in regret for the rest of your life. Yes, I sometimes throw myself a pity party and obsess about the past, but I have to remind myself that it all happened for a reason and has helped me become the woman I am today. My past isn’t pretty but my present is absolutely beautiful. I remind myself of this when I’m feeling down. Today I choose to live in a positive world filled with happiness and gratitude and it is because of my past that I was able to adapt to the lifestyle I live in today.
I will admit, it sort of sucks that I needed to lose so much in my life in order to learn how to be happy with myself, but I truly believe it all had to happen that way for me to grow and become strong. I hit more than my share of rock bottoms. I’ve lost close relationships with people who I still love dearly to this day. But through all of this I have survived, and surviving my past has turned me into the strongest person I can be for myself. When I say I’m strong, I don’t mean in a cold, blocked off way. I don’t put up walls or isolate myself. I used to, and that only made things worse. Today, I’m strong because I can still live my life and still love without being scared of losing. I open my heart to others, even though I know it may be broken again. I do not let fear stand in my way anymore. Fear of life and love is what brought me to places that I would never want to go back to.
Today I try not to dwell on my past, but I also have to remember it. Reminding myself of what I went through and how I have overcome my struggles is what gives me strength. When things aren’t perfect, I tell myself I am grateful because things could always be worse. Nothing in life is perfect, humans are not perfect. However, we can live beautiful lives even with our imperfections. My imperfections make me who I am.
If you are like me and you have lost a lot in your life, tell yourself you will prevail and you can be happy. I know the loss I have experienced all have reasons behind them. I do not believe in coincidences. If someone walked out of your life and has never returned, you are both better off without each other. If a friend walked out of your life only to return years later than believe there is something you can give to one another. Don’t only think of yourself. Don’t only think that they are in your life to help you through something. Maybe you’re in their life to help them or you’re both in each other’s lives again to help each other. Always believe that the things happening around you are meant to happen for a reason greater than yourself. You may not be able to see the reasons at the time, but I honestly believe in time those reasons will reveal themselves and will make you’re a stronger, happier, more beautiful person inside and out.
Remember to smile, trust, and believe that everything in your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly, are all happening for a reason. Trust in the universe and the universe will trust in you. You will learn from the bad, love from the good, and make beauty from the ugly. Trust in yourself and believe that no matter what your past may hold, you are strong and deserve happiness. Do not dwell on the “what-ifs”, learn from it and grow.