Communication Within a Relationship

Communication is synonymous with connection and conversation.. It implies that one person is talking to another person and exchanging information. This is something fairly straightforward and to the point. Thanks to technology, there are many ways and outlets humans can communicate with each other. Whether it be through film, book, Facebook status, Snapchat story, text, or face-to-face contact. So why is it occasionally a struggle to bring— and keep— this in a relationship?

The lack of communication Many people have been through a rebellious phase once or twice. Perhaps some are simply more comfortable in that scenario. The part when people decide that they are better off without any of the pain and annoyance that emotions are known to bring. They actively choose (or it’s their nature) to live their lives without expressing their emotions in obvious ways or sharing their feelings with whomever they are dating. The problem is that if only one person is fine with the fact that there is no active communication occurring. Relationships are all about growing together, which requires communicating and working together. This can take time. Perhaps the couple has different communication styles which may or may not mesh well with each other. If time passes and it’s still evident that communication is dangerously one-sided, there’s a strong chance that the relationship is unhealthy.

Verbal communication Effective communication may come easy to some, yet difficult to others. But communication is so huge in a relationship. It’s borderline necessary unless you prefer living inside your head and not letting anyone else in. You do you. In a healthy relationship, there are two parties who have their own thoughts, preferences, and ideas. The challenge that may arise is beginning to decipher these things about each other. It’s much easier to be able to understand why your partner is the way they are when they share their background with you. The fact that they leave dirty dishes around isn’t because they’re lazy but rather can’t stand washing them. The way they eat their food is specific, sometimes a sacred art. They have to watch something on TV before falling asleep. These things are so minor. But if left unknown, they could cause problems. If you decide to try a bite of their food, you could accidentally upset them. How were you to know that they are very selective about when sharing their food is acceptable? What if you complained about them watching TV before bed and disrupted their habits? Relationships are all about partnership. You need to work together as a team and a unit. If you are unsure about how or why the other person acts the way they do, how are you going to accomplish a sense of synergy? Sometimes all it takes is verbalizing some thoughts and willingly listening.

Non-verbal communication Earlier this morning, I was cleaning our flat. My partner hadn’t gone to work yet and was occasionally engaging me in conversation. As I passed him to go to the bathroom to clean myself up, he asked if everything was okay. “Yeah,” I responded. “I just had to wash my feet. They’re really gross.” I was rinsing the undersides of my feet as I explained this to him. “Ah,” he said. “You had that look on your face like something was gross. I just wanted to be sure it wasn’t about anything I said.” But imagine if he hadn’t confronted me. What if I had silently gone past him with a disgusted look on my face and no elaboration? He couldn’t see the bottoms of my feet. There was no way to know what was bothering me unless he asked. I was non-verbally communicating that something had revolted me. But he was verbally double checking that he hadn’t done anything to cause that reaction. In a healthy relationship, this sort of thing should be commonplace. If your partner is visibly upset, it’s your responsibility to ensure that you make them comfortable. To decipher if there’s anything you could do to remedy the situation. Just because your partner is sad, angry, or disappointed, it does not mean that these emotions are aimed at you.

Avoiding directives When bringing up any concerns in the relationship, it’s important to aim the negative attention away from your partner. Phrases like “You always leave the toilet seat up” or “You never pay attention to me” or “You need to clean up after yourself” are statements that sound like orders. Nobody enjoys directives being hurled at them, especially by someone they love. It can come across as aggressive and demanding. Even if that wasn’t your intention at all. When addressing any issues in the relationship, try to avoid pinning all the blame on them.

As you progress with your relationship, you shouldn’t force anything. The chemistry between you two should feel organic. It's not difficult to retain a healthy level of communication. Spend time just being around each other. Being comfortable around each other is something that increases the amount of time you spend together. It’s especially important to make sure you take the time to talk to each other without your hands being attached to a mobile phone or a laptop. Don't be distracted by technology when your partner is trying to open up to you about something. Communication builds with time. The more trust and safety that exist within a relationship, the easier communication shall become. Just stay open with each other. Don’t underestimate your partner’s ability to understand your mind, flaws, or concerns. They just might surprise you.

#communication #lackofcommunication #relationshipadvice #muddledmillennial