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It’s amazing to dig deep and truly witness how our different tastes shape us. Recently, I posed a question to thirteen of my peers from across the globe; "What do you look for in a significant other?" I was interested to know what sort of interests, occupations, and traits they might seek out in others. Some replied in short and sweet form, while others crafted stories. But every one of them betrayed the truth that we just want someone with whom we can be compatible, and who we are going to enjoy looking at on the daily. |
It's not been a conscious decision on my part like "anyone I'm with must be extroverted" that's just what I've been drawn too, based on past history.
I will also state that when I got together with my partner, he was not at all what I would've hand chosen, but he's turned out to be exactly the person I need."
- Arlene, Allentown
"Someone who plays computer games and doesn't mind when I throw tantrums, while at the same time being relatively ambitious in their work. Be ambitious but don't make work your life. They have to not mind dogs and also must like my family. That last one is super important." - Jonathan, Paarl
"Similar interests are a plus but not always needed. I like sharing and exchanging interests. By some time in our friendship, I have a good amount of knowledge about what you like and you what I like. I mean yeah suddenly I have all these strange facts about something new in my head but it's kinda fun. It makes things more interesting. Common interests spark conversation, though, so I think it helps clear some of the awkward air. Quality Traits: opposites attract but don't always mix and match. I can't be with someone who is too much like me because we won't progress. I can't be with someone who is too different from me because then I won't enjoy being in their presence or talking to them. Whatever I feel is compatible. But for someone with what I have, you eventually adjust. You figure that you like this person so you become less annoyed/agitated with the things they do. If anyone else did it, you'd be ready to drop them but there's something different in how the brain processes it from someone you care a lot about versus just a distant friend or someone you're not that close to. I need someone who's patient and understanding of my ailments and how that affects how I interact with them and how our relationship goes. Most people don't or can't understand that so once I get over that hump, things can flourish.
Also, I think some form of intellect, humor, open-mindedness, and queerness is also necessary. I like people with unpopular opinions that aren't problematic. People who think the cereal can come after the milk. People who aren't afraid to take risks in life and with things they love that won't completely ruin their life. Flexible people work well for me. Good listeners because I talk a lot, but who can also talk back to me and don't just nod. Active listeners. People who aren't afraid to tell me when I'm wrong or when my viewpoint is faulty. And mostly people who don't treat me like a kid because I have "adorable characteristics". I dislike being undermined." - Olivia, D.C.
"I don't think I look for any of that going in. I've been surprised over and over with the type of people I click with so I don't go in having expectations of what they must be or not be." - James, Cincinnati
"I like very hard-working people because they make me feel obliged to do better for myself." - Ayalla, Stafford
"Definitely not occupation. We have to like similar nerd stuff and music otherwise, we won't have very much to do together; I love going to movies and concerts. I look for passion about something. Getting excited. Someone who sees the good in the world, and can help remind me to see it when I'm down. I also need someone who has higher energy than me so we actually do something other than just watch Netflix all day. I know this guy and I are a new thing, but I don't think I've ever met someone who makes me feel so accepted and happy and alive and I never want to settle for anything that makes me feel less like this again. Whomever I marry, I want him to make me feel this good." - Victoria, Goodyear
"A nice ass." - Ben, Frostburg
"A soul that awakens and ignites mine." - Lizelle, Cape Town
"I don't know exactly. Maybe it's the mixture of the following points: -The wisdom to teach, the more abstract the better (also showing the mastery of a skill) -The impact of genuine authenticity And if the relationship is meant to be closer then further: -The ability to understand my thoughts and most of my feelings -Openness / candor" -Jonathan, Aarau
"Well, what I want is someone whose word I could take to my grave. I'd need that to actually make her my partner." - Damian, Worcester
"That's a very interesting question. Now that I think about it, one of the first things I notice is the way some women carry themselves. Or their body language when talking or working. Watching someone do what they are absolutely passionate about is a crazy turn on for me, by the way. And when you can tell that someone has a very good understanding of their own physicality and how they can carry themselves with such simplicity, it comes off as almost finesse, from walking heel-to-toe with a gaited stance and almost what looks like pacing themselves when they stride across a room, even with a wheelchair, crutches, or otherwise. But if someone comes off with any forced motion or rigid stance— like trying to be too formal, or pushing their chest out, overextending their walk— is kind of a turn-off. It seems to masking— not genuine— to me. But don't get me wrong, I would appreciate the formality. I could go on. That's just all based on the physical, which ultimately means very little to me when it comes to their interests or mind.
As far as interests go, someone with interests like self-expression (art, music, writing, dance, etc..), science (it's an honest field of work that has a lot of fine print, but has the potential to change humanity. And I don’t know why, but glasses and a pencil in someone's hair surrounded by papers and test tubes has always been very attractive to me), and interests like psychology or the mind (like neuroscience, psychotherapy, psych research, philosophy, and— hey, what can I say? Brains are sexy. Thinkers are sexy. Open minds are sexy.)
And whether someone is either introverted or extroverted, that doesn't matter as much to me either way. As long as that extroverted person realizes that being surrounded by people constantly isn't going to make you happier. It's quality, not quantity. Strength is also a turn on. Not just physical strength, but the strength of character, honesty, and strength of will and will get in your face and bark "Fuck you, fight me!" And mean it.
But along with those, I'm very enthralled by passion. I don't care if you love paper clips or grasshoppers. If the moment you start to speak, your soul lights up and you have something to say... I will be listening. Something that I've noticed is that the longer you spend time with someone— really get to know who they are— and start to grow fond of and care for this hypothetical significant other that loves grasshoppers with a passion and carries themselves like an ogre with a gimp leg— despite being the most open-minded, brilliant, well-spoken humanoid you've ever encountered. You ultimately care to have them around more often than not, and they make life suck a little bit less. From being able to talk about anything from sunup to sundown, go for a random snack run at 4 a.m., or plan how to steal that Nazi gold back from the Vatican and go drink for drink with you until the next day. They complement you well, no matter what the occasion. They help you make each day better than the last." - Graham, Pittsburgh
Mainly humor, honestly. I think a good sense of humor really shows a lot in a person, especially in hard times. Someone able to see the bright side of most things has become really important recently. Just realized how hard it is to stay positive when someone else cannot do so. - Chad, Jacksonville
Respect. I think respect is very necessary. So when I win respect from another person (significant or not), I have a kind of "mission completed" feeling. - Israel, Bauru