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Disclaimer: I’ve always gone after unconventional looking guys. You know the type: the hipster with great music taste, the private school intellectual, the writer. They were all skinny built, wore glasses, had messy hair, and were completely average looking. Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t unattractive. But they also weren’t the six feet tall, blue eyed hunks that all my girlfriends chased after. |
Ever since I was a teen, I had gotten used to hearing, “Your taste in men so different!” from all of my friends. And I accepted it as such. I had unconventional tastes but I was never ashamed of the men I dated. They were all smart, came from good upbringings, and had exceptional taste in music, wine, film, and aesthetics. These men made amazing partners and were exceptionally good to me.
However, the nagging feeling that I had missed out on years of dating “model types” made me wonder if I was selling myself short. I was envious of the girls that were seeing the tall, Adonis-type men with their full heads of hair and bright green eyes. As I got older, I began wondering – “why haven’t I dated the gorgeous, popular, successful, and coveted after men?” Soon after a break up with my serious boyfriend of two years, I firmly told myself: “No more average men!”
I stuck with my motto and shortly after, I met my first hunk. A man’s man, if you will.
He was tall, broad-shouldered, bearded, attractive, and turned heads everywhere he went. The barista would bat her eyelashes at him as we bought coffee together. When ordering drinks at a bar, the bartender would provide a heavy pour and a warm smile. When dating him, I held my head high as we walked together down the street. I was proud. And he was hot. I would keep my eyes open during sex just so I could witness his strong body bend and his muscles contract with force.
Sadly, the relationship with the hunky man faded into obscurity after several months. But I was left with a new-found inspiration to be more adventurous and to take risks. And the lack of hotties in my ex-arsenal motivated me to go after those who seemed unattainable.
I’ve learned to not let the fear of rejection rule over me. Playing it safe during my youthful and impressionable years didn’t contribute to my growth. Instead, it made me regret that I didn’t step out of my comfort zone more. I wished I had lusted and chased after the hot and successful men that seemed unattainable. I was convinced that men like that wouldn’t date a girl like me. But guess what? I was wrong. Looking back, it is clear that I had a running chance with any of the aforementioned Don Juan’s. But by choosing to stay in the shadow, I missed out.
So, what would I tell my younger self about dating?
Don’t let the fear of rejection rule over you. Don’t play it safe in these important, formative, and exciting years. Don’t be afraid to chase after someone who looks unattainable. Playing it safe during these years will only leave you with a feeling of nagging regret as you get older.
Take risks. When else will you be as young, as lively, and as effortlessly attractive? Don’t be afraid to flash a friendly smile to the attractive stranger at the club or the bookstore. Take a chance with the hot girl or guy in your class, your work, or at your local coffee shop. Youth is forgiving. Youth is for learning. Youth is for experimenting. And youth is for putting yourself out there.
I wish I had realized this sooner and basked in my adolescence. I wish I had experienced shallow, high school-esque dating solely based on looks. I wish I wasn’t so self-conscious and afraid of rejection. But I am also grateful that I dated my significant others for their charisma and personality. If only I wasn’t afraid to go a step further, I would be more fulfilled in my dating escapades.
Nowadays, I am no longer afraid of rejection. I put myself out there and I go after the unattainable ones. And you should too. Because you may be surprised at what you can achieve with some confidence, a smile, and an unnerving attitude.