No tags yet.
One of the most defining moments of a new relationship is when you meet the parents. It’s certainly not like it was in high school. You don’t just meet them because you decided to go home with your boyfriend or girlfriend after school let out. It was a much more casual setting, yet we were sure to refer to them with honorifics unless otherwise specified. Dating in your twenties is different because you’re meeting your partner’s parents on a slightly more even level. You each have your own careers, degrees, and hobbies. But just because you feel a little more comfortable with calling them by their first name, it doesn’t mean everything is now easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy.
It’s all about the timing First things first. Rushing into meeting the parents is like watching episode eight of a show you’ve only seen a couple episodes of. You need to wait, and let the build up happen. Make sure you are comfortable and confident in your boyfriend or girlfriend. The better your partner understands you, the less likely they will put you in an uncomfortable situation. If you’re more introverted, they wouldn’t expect you to be the center of attention and constantly coming up with witty banter for hours. You know your limits, and by now, your partner should as well.
You can’t be too polite Make sure your first impression shines. Be considerate towards the parents. Dress conservatively, so they don't have any reason to judge a book by its cover. Crop tops are beyond cute, but keep them in the closet this time. Do everything in your power to ensure that you do not arrive late. Be on time, or even a bit early. When you first arrive, bring a gift (if you’re meeting at their home). Nice wines, flowers, or something small and tasteful for the homework well. Offer to help with the cleanup after dinner. Even if you get turned down, you can still help straighten things up or keep the mother or father company while they clean. Don’t be glued to your iPhone screen. Be present, and be aware of those around you. Be gracious towards your partner’s parents while you get to know each other. Once you begin to learn more through conversation, compliment them on things specific to them. Openly admire the mother’s dress. Acknowledge the father’s awesome taste in music. Tell them why you appreciate your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s important to be polite, but it’s even more crucial to be genuine. Don’t just say what you think they want to hear. Build a foundation based on authenticity. That will go a long way, and they shall respect you for it.
Relate to the relatives It’s normal to be self-conscious upon first meeting their parents. Don’t let approaching them become a daunting task. See it as making new friends. Friends who happened to give birth to the person you’re in love with. So find out what you have in common. Work that small talk. Is the dad really into Star Wars, when you can practically quote the original trilogy? Is the mom fond of living minimalisticlly, something you’ve been striving to do? Find some common ground, and before long, you will find further conversation topics. Star Wars can lead into a comparison with Star Trek, and minimalism can flow into healthy lifestyle discussion.
Maintain boundaries You could be head over heels in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend. But though you could be perfectly content making out with them for hours, doesn’t mean their parents should know that. There is a time and place for PDA, but the first meeting with their parents is not either one. Keep it classy. Hand holding is acceptable in this situation. Just be sure that those hands don’t wander anywhere inappropriate while around their parents’ watchful eyes. We’re all adults, and we know what adults do in the privacy of their own home when they’re in love (besides watching Netflix together). But for the first encounter with the parents, keep it PG.
Dating in high school was a walk in the park compared to this. Your capacity to understand and admire others has evolved and deepened. Even so, don’t push yourself over your limit trying to impress your partner’s parents. Be yourself. Take time to study them. You will begin to see parts of them that you noticed in your partner long ago. Flawless class and style inherited from the mother. A sense of humor and deliberate mispronunciation of words from the father. Once you begin to notice these, it’ll be that much easier to appreciate the two people who made the existence of your partner possible.