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Your phone goes off, and it’s a FaceTime request from the person you’re dating. Do you rush to change your shirt so they won’t know you haven’t showered yet today? Do you put your hair up real quick to try to calm the frizzies? Do you blot your face so you don’t look like an oily mess in their camera? What if you do none of these?
It can be hard to guess whether what you feel is love or just infatuation. Confessedly, there are a lot of similarities between the two. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new and wonderful. That’s why the first way to tell that it’s the real deal is patience.
Patience is a virtue We live in a culture of immediacy. Fast food. Quick results. Speedy service. It’s no wonder that we let that mentality seep into our relationships. When we rush things, we’re actually acting out of our own self-interest. We are failing to consider the other person or people involved. This is of no small importance. In a relationship, you can’t hurry things along. You can’t force the other person to text you back within the hour. You won’t always wake up to “good morning” texts (although that would be amazing). And so when you find yourself willingly able to give the other person slack, to be able to back away (the horror), and forgive them for their shortcomings, that is love. That is genuine. And when they forgive you for running late or forgetting important information, you will feel that love, too.
Putting them first It’s a well-known fact that love is all about putting someone else’s needs above your own. But what does that really look like? To begin with, it can mean that you are already picturing all the ways that you can make them comfortable, healthy and content. When you pick out a face lotion you like, you’re checking the ingredients to make sure it won’t cause them to have an allergic reaction. When you go out to eat, you look at the menu ahead of time to make sure there are vegetarian options for them, even if you eat meat on the daily. You don’t gain anything from these interactions, but they do. And that alone makes you happy. This is the mark of true love.
Perfect AF Nobody’s perfect, but your other half comes pretty close. Your longtime celeb crushes begin to pale in comparison. It’s a laughing matter to think that you considered compatibility with anyone else but the one you are beginning to share your heart with. Everyone has flaws, and you recognize that. But none of theirs detract from the overall picture of beauty. It’s borderline disgusting how attracted you are to them. The movies didn’t come close to preparing you for feeling these feels. Like, is this even legal? And on the flip side, you begin embracing yourself for who you are- because they are. No longer do you rush to tidy up your place if they’re coming over because they’ve seen it all. You don’t pretend you wash your hair every day because they know your routine. You’ve accepted them for who they are, and they are beginning to love you for exactly who you are. Inside and out.
Prioritizing your passion In the same ballpark as putting them first is making them a priority. But this one is more about making your relationship’s survival your first concern. Before you met your person, the way you planned things was far less involved. If you liked that job, you took that job. If you wanted to move there, you moved there. Sure, there was friends and family to think of, but there are a million ways to stay in contact. Thanks, to the Internet. With someone else to share your life with, planning becomes a little bit different. You are not only considering yourself but a whole other person. If you took that job, would the new schedule affect them? If you moved there, would they come with you? This is far different from fantasizing about living in a house on the water together, with a white picket fence around the front yard. This is more about practical upcoming changes and goals, and thinking about how your person would factor in with those adjustments. When you are balancing these questions in your head, that’s when you know it’s true love.
Persistence is key How often do you talk to each other? Do you have to really twist his arm to get him to text you back? Does she disappear for days and leave you on Seen? The way they treat you is how they view you. Never forget that. If they show annoyance in response to your texts full of questions and worry, chances are that they’re not as into it as you are. It’s helpful that they at least explain why they disappeared, or why they may disappear. That way, a dead battery won’t damage the relationship. This can seem like a small deal, but it really isn’t.
The Internet has allowed us to be in contact, even when we don’t want to be. But if you normally text your person multiple times before you even shower in the morning, then all of a sudden go AWOL, it’s a little sketchy. Being persistent doesn’t mean that you have to keep popping up in their inbox, or that they should always double tap your photos. Rather, it just means that you are in this. It means that you are willing to do what it takes to maintain trust. If you are compatible, and you know you are deep in the throes of love, you will hold on to that and fight for it.
Love is a tricky business. You can express your love by insulting someone on a continual basis. You could text someone memes all day, with no actual typed out words of your own. And that’s love. Being in someone’s presence without either person saying a word can speak volumes. All of these are different levels of being comfortable with someone. And they are different pictures of what true love can really look like.
It can be nice to know that you’re in someone’s thoughts at 2 a.m., but it’s even nicer to know that you are running through their mind at 2 p.m. as well.
[Photo Cred: Laurrel Allison]
Check out more of Laurrel's work here: www.facebook.com/LaurrelAllison