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There are times we find ourselves extremely confused. No matter what area in life we are conflicted in, there just seems to be no answer in sight. We are uncertain of the choices we are to make and we get lost and doubtful as to where we are in the decisions that will shape our lives. As an Angel Card Reader for over ten years, I’ve experienced our guardian angels messages of what confusion really is and how to break free from it. This week I want to share with you, how being confused can actually be positive as it calls your attention to make some much-needed life changes. You’ll start to see that confusion is only an illusion--making you think your vulnerable when rather, you have every power within you to move forward in life. Also, I will share a personal “confusion” experience that might mirror your journey at the moment.
There are different types of “confusion” scenarios you might find yourself in: • You might feel confused because it’s a sign that you’re not being true to yourself. You’re not letting yourself reflect your honest intentions. Saying or planning something, but not acting on it and using the necessary tools toward your goals, creates that clash within yourself.
• You’re perhaps letting too many outside influences persuade you into thinking there's no way out, that you have no other choice, or you must rush to make a decision. You then lean toward avenues that don't represent the core of who you truly are, thus leading you feeling confused as to where you are going.
• Confusion also arises when you feel obligated to make a choice because you know it will make someone else happy. This sometimes occurs within family, friends, maybe even co-workers. Though its best to some degree, to make choices that will benefit everyone—meaning no one will be harmed in the process of what you choose—however at the end of the day—you have to live within your own skin. Making choices has to reflect your happiness and your well-being—your direction you want to go in life.
How to Eliminate Confusion:
Remember, not everything can be solved in one night. It’s okay if you take three days or a week deciding on what you need to do. They key is to not over procrastinate your research, debating and thinking, making you afraid to make a choice. This only further overwhelms you and leads to unnecessary stress. Making decisions based on stress only derives less desirable – negative results. It’s time to go within and really dig deep to what lies within your whole being regarding the situation you’re in. You have to soul search and remember who you are and what you value within yourself. Entrust your questions with a friend, family member, etc., who will truly give you an honest opinion, but not one that forces you to see things their way. Pray/meditate for guidance and support in rediscovering the path that is meant for you and how to stay determined on it. You’ll find that in time when you balance all of this, you’ll have all the details you need to make the right choice for you.
Something else to consider…. Ask yourself these questions when trying to see past confusion…. (Please fill in the blanks pertaining to your situation)
• What has been my progress thus far? • What are my hopes? • What are my fears? – (When asking this, though, notice your answers as a way of uncovering your ego’s attempt to try and hold you back from undergoing positive life changes.) • How would my life benefit from _____________ • Do I see personal growth when choosing____________ • What are the pros and cons of__________________ • How do I feel when I think about________________
Confusion is an illusion because your ego wants you to forget your authentic self and wants you to feel that you are powerless. However, confusion is just another way of taking a survey on how life is going for you—enabling you to pause and reevaluate your progress/efforts thus far—verifying if the current course of action best suits you. “Try on” your feelings like you would clothe's---see what “fits” – what feels right to you and works best for you---what brings out the best you. Confusion signals that it’s time to make decisions that get you back on track with your life purpose.
My Personal Illusion; Deciding to Have Children:
I’m thirty-six years old and I’m not a mother, yet. I’m healthy—and able to conceive, but at this point in my life, there are currently no adorable children running beside me and no tiny loving fingers wrapped around my hands. I absolutely love children, though! Have no fears in raising children either – I helped take care of my younger sister and babysat my cousin’s two children from time-to-time—one of which is my god-child. My husband loves kids too and also has experience helping watch his two younger brothers when they were little.
It seems almost every woman says they’ve dreamed of their ideal wedding dress or knew exactly how many children they wanted to have before they got married. However, I was never that type. I didn’t know what wedding gown I wanted until I knew I was engaged and flipped through wedding books. After about four years being married did I then possibly feel that maybe one child would be the limit for me. I was never that woman who just knew from go these particular things. Which is totally fine—doesn’t make other women or I better or less than the other. It just is what it is. Some women just know and others don’t or are confused---like me.
Even though there are, what seems to be many women around me that know they want children or already have children, there are also those who are debating or waiting longer to have children these days. Various reasons at first circled my mind regarding having children, some of which I know other women must have acknowledged at some point in their lives as well….
First, I would sometimes see new moms struggling with their marital relationships because of their new little edition. However, I later discovered I couldn’t base my assumption on seeing this happen because I don’t know officially what could be starting the rift between the husband and wife—I can’t necessarily assume it’s because there’s a baby involved. So that fear of the relationship with your husband changing, I had to get out of my mind. Second, the money, of course, plays a HUGE factor in determining if you can afford to have kids—where will you live? Is there enough room for everything where you currently live, etc. Living in a studio apartment as I do, does limit things. I would much rather live in a bigger space where I won’t feel claustrophobic while raising my child.
This is something I have to work out. I came to terms though with the understanding that you’ll never have the exact amount of money you think you’re going to need. Things just work themselves out as I’ve seen with such wonderful friends of mine that were able to financially have children in their own ways. Family, friends even sometimes coworkers, will join together financially as well -- helping out in ways you couldn’t even imagine! So hope is never lost; there is a support system around you. Third, how your body will look and feel during and after your pregnancy also plays a factor. How emotionally and mentally you will feel as well. You then realize though that all you can do is stay as fit and healthy as possible, and you’ll bounce back in time to get back in shape and will yourself to. Enjoy the beautiful process that has been gifted to you.
However, besides all of these reasons I have worked out, I still feel like my biological clock is just not ticking. I got married at thirty-two and at that point had never traveled much anywhere. After my Mediterranean honeymoon, I just wanted to travel non-stop. So my husband and I wanted to take the time to enjoy being married—just being us two—and checking off places we visited on our personal map. My writing career took off last year and new projects also are catching my attention, so I partly feel too the reason why I’m not completely on board yet to have children, is to keep pursing my writing goals. Despite all of this the “confused” feelings still followed in making a choice. I was starting to think about where everyone else was in their lives and what everyone would expect of me. I would see friends my age or younger, with children already, and I thought, am I behind? Why aren’t I where they are now? Of course, I’m tremendously over the moon happy for each and every one of my friends—it’s just I was feeling as if something was wrong/off with me. I sometimes feel I’m letting my family down not enabling them to be grandparents, uncles or aunts yet. The pressure of not yet extending the family and knowing it’s expected of you weighs heavy on the mind.
So why do I share all this with you? What have I learned thus far? I want other women who are wrestling with this topic to know they aren’t alone and that there are answers to the confusion they are feeling. It’s okay if you’re not sure if you want to have children. Maybe you are pursuing career goals or other goals that you feel need to come first. Perhaps you just don’t feel that having children is for you. Ultimately, you have to do what works best for you, not what everyone else is doing. Your progress is your own and there’s no competition to see who gets done first with their goals or to align with everyone else’s life purpose. Your unique experiences are why you are on this earth—not to live for someone else’s dream
I’ve learned that even though a lot of my friends have children already, I can’t make a choice based on what others are doing or what my family expects. I have to do what I feel is best for me--when it’s best for me. The confusion then becomes clear. I’m not ruling out having children—what God’s will is for me and my own will—determines this. What I am saying is, it’s okay to make a decision out of a place where you’re not really confused—but rather aware of what truly speaks to the life you’re living for you.